#anyway too late that ship has sailed

[gaytommykinard]

amidst all this "911 isn't the buck and eddie show" im retroactively realising i could have enjoyed teen wolf because it's probably not the "stiles and that one guy who was definitely not a teenager" show. i forget their ship name sorry

[kaiserin-erzsebet]

So, here are my long thoughts on The Last Voyage of the Demeter because I'm jetlagged and trying to keep myself awake.

I'm going to organize it from my biggest issues to my smallest nitpicks. Because I am aware that some of the things that bother me are nitpicks. Also this movie is old enough that I don't think spoilers are out of line.

Anyway, here are my thoughts:

I don't think I can fairly judge the movie as an adaptation of Dracula. This would be a short review if that was my standard, because it is a bad adaptation. There's a laundry list of reasons why, and I'll get back to one of them because I think it is indicative of how this movie fumbled the story. It takes a very loose approach to the book, and that wouldn't be entirely fair to fixate on. But I will point out where I think the book executed a theme or tone element more effectively.

I fully went into the movie ready to judge it on its own merits as a self-contained horror story. That's why I was surprised that I disliked it so much, because it doesn't hold up as a piece of horror media. I think the core issue is that the screenplay fundamentally was thinking of itself as a movie about people fighting a monster.

In that respect, it does away with something that makes the Captain's log such an effective part of the original book: The mystery.

The original section is an exercise in dramatic irony. You, as the reader, have already seen the thing making the crew vanish, because you read Jonathan's diary and know what is in the boxes (even if you were reading it for the first time and didn't have the cultural osmosis of knowing who Dracula). You know why they are in danger. The captain doesn't. He spends most of the log trying to figure out what is going on and if it is misfortune or something really on board with them. He only sees Dracula at the very end of the log, when there is little he can do except tie himself to the wheel.

The book answers the question of "why don't they make port or throw the boxes overboard?" with saying that the captain doesn't know for sure if it is actually something malicious related to the cargo. The Romanian first mate has to slowly come to the realization that he does know, because he's resisting believing in superstition. Only when the knife passes through Dracula without harming him does he panic because it's undeniable that he's facing a folklore monster.

That build up is entirely absent from The Last Voyage of the Demeter. Anna just tells them within the first half hour of the movie (she's also a very inconsistent character, but I'll get back to that), and within days the crew has literally seen Dracula multiple times. People aren't mysteriously vanishing; they've been killed pretty clearly and there are survivors with bite marks. The deck is littered with body parts at points. It makes the voiceovers about "some doom" being on the ship seem comical, because the captain has seen with his own eyes what is going on.

The only reason given for why they can't make port to deal with the issue is that they're too far away, I guess? Which is also not the case for a ship sailing that route. This isn't an open sea voyage.

While the pacing of a movie and the pacing of a show are different, The Terror did this so much better. You don't get to see the Tuunbaq clearly until quite late in the series. People just vanish or get mauled by...something. That sense of mystery is just gone in The Last Voyage. And it is disappointing because that was a huge opportunity to nail the tone.

If I had to come up with the key elements of what the Demeter section is, it would be: A Horror Story about a ship with a tragic ending.

They didn't nail the horror, but what about the other two?

There's also a puzzling lack of understanding of the dynamics on a ship throughout the movie. One glaring example is that the First Mate and Clemens make the decision to sink the ship without even asking the captain first. I know this is the merchant navy and not the navy, but that is still a galling lack of discipline. The captain is in charge and his duty is to the whole ship and the crew.

The original captain's log makes use of this. Dracula more or less kills his way up the chain of command because he's a sadist. He's forcing the commanding officers to feel more desperation as they fail in their duty to protect their crew.

The Last Voyage makes the captain a very minor character, which at least to me reveals a misunderstanding of how hierarchy works in a ship. While I don't think including new characters is necessarily bad, Clemens and Anna make most of the important decisions, and neither of them particularly have standing with the crew. It undercuts the idea of responsibility and letting people come to harm under your care (which carries through later to Lucy and Mina).

I'll return to other ways the ship setting feels incorrect later, because those are closer to nitpicks.

So, third element: is it a tragedy? Does everyone on board die by the end?

The opening scene may make you think so. But no, actually they don't. Clemens escapes and ends the movie vowing to hunt down Dracula. For one, this is where it is a bad Dracula adaptation because that simply cannot happen and maintain the plot of Dracula. Unless he was rather dense when he read about the Bloofer Lady in the paper and decided that wasn't related. But additionally, the tone of the ending radically changes. It isn't a tragedy where the last act of a brave man is to stay at the wheel, because he isn't the lone survivor left to be battered to death by either the storm or Dracula anymore. In fact most of the crew is still there for the multiple people vs Dracula fight.

This is where the tone really failed for me: the story has a winner, a hero, someone who can make it out alive. And it's the new character. That just did not sit well with me when the original is such a poignant tragedy.

The First Mate, who is the character most primed to come to a realization, hardly has an arc in The Last Voyage.

The insistence that they can fight and maybe even win also makes both Clemens and Anna incredibly inconsistent characters. She especially suffers from this, because she should in theory have the knowledge of how to repel a vampire (the villagers certainly have some idea in the book), but then she says things like "do you think I have the faintest idea how to kill him?" and in the next breath is urging the crew to kill him before he reaches London. She also says Dracula is going to London because "there is no one left in my home country to feed on" but her backstory is that she's on the ship as a deal so Drac can have a snack. So, clearly, he can get people to feed on if he wants.

Clemens is the "too smart and rational" character. But he also never thinks maybe they should expose the boxes to sunlight even after seeing people combust in sunlight after turning. It's all terribly inconsistent.

The decision to not write the story as a tragedy ends up cascading, and that's the root of the issue. They can't win and kill the monster without completely changing the story of the novel, so they are only competent to a point. It makes it a worse horror movie, even disregarding it as an adaptation.

Now for the nitpicks, including quite a few about boats that probably only I noticed:

The aesthetics are all over the place in terms of period. Clemens spends a large part of the movie (which is set in the 1890s) running around in a lace up pirate shirt. No one on this ship owns a period appropriate boat cloak. None of their shirts have remotely the right collars, giving the sense that nautical fashion was sort of vaguely consulted over the long 18th to 19th century-ish.

Please look at this and tell me that it is even remotely late 19th century:

Here's Olek from 1899 for comparison (note the correct high collar and undershirt):

The dialogue suffers from this too. More than one person uses the word "heathen" which just feels wildly out of place in something that is supposed to have rationality and superstition as the key touchpoints (at least if it wants to be like Dracula). It sounds weird coming from a time period 20 years before World War 1. Sailors especially were more likely to be vaguely Christian but mostly superstitious, not zealots using terms like "heathen."

Additional aesthetic nitpick: The ship looks way too old for the period. That is an early to mid 19th century ship sailing in the 1890s without any retrofitting. There's a throwaway line about the captain not wanting a fancy new steamship, but that doesn't account for how antique the captain's quarters are or the lack of metal on the hull. Again, the nautical aesthetics are all skewing too early. If this ship was still a Russian ship like the original, an older sailing vessel might have said something about the lag in Russian shipbuilding, it works less with an English merchant ship.

There's some functional issues about understanding sailing: The ship is way too spacious inside. Really tall men are standing up straight and walking around the hold with no trouble. That may seem like a small point, but imagine what actually exploiting the claustrophobic feeling below decks could have done for the ambiance.

The ship is definitely undercrewed given the number of masts they are showing. That many men would really struggle to reef all of the sails in a timely manner (which would matter in a storm). The writers put a crew of a small fishing vessel on a ship that is much larger and requires more hands. And it is puzzling because more people would mean: more kills and disappearances as well as giving a progression of being unable to raise and lower the sails and also keep someone at the wheel. Which, I will note, the original log does.

My first red flag about this movie was having seemingly no Slavic characters on a ship that was Russian in the original. But now that I've seen it, I'm even more annoyed that the one Russian character exists to: call a woman a slur, call a black man a slur (a rather British one imo), and then immediately be murdered on screen. Can't have nuance in how we portray Slavic people in Western media, huh?

I also get the sense that the screenwriter didn't know the difference between Romanian and Romani, because the first mate is vaguely hinted to be Romani (the kid mentions "Wojchek taught me some words in Romani") and has a Western Slavic first name, not a Romanian one. When in the book he is explicitly Romanian.

Rapid fire ways the movie gets the book wrong on a nitpicky level: Dracula doesn't get more human looking as he nears London, a vampire who prides himself on being aristocratic isn't going to drink from pigs or rats, the vampires in the book can go in sunlight but are weaker, religious artifacts are way more powerful deterrents in the book, and Clemens is way too casual about transfusions. It makes Van Helsing doing it seem less like an act of desperation. Anna gets Mina's ability to sense Dracula without putting in the effort to reverse engineer the connection.

Someone please tell me that Nosferatu is better. This was honestly very frustrating.

[hayleymarriedjakurai]

DRDT (Jarei) Pirate AU

i made a little jarei pirate au post on twitter and got attached to the idea so i decided to expand on it a little more

Setting: The Kingdom of Rosas. With the Rosales being the royal family, of course. Rosas is a seaside kingdom with lots of ports. Deep forests surround the non coastal parts that lead to the border to the other kingdoms.

Very basic magic laws apply in this world, and wealthy people have easier access to magic, whether it be training, schools, or attuned items/weaponry. Everyone is born with some scale of magical energy, usually with a concentration on a type of magic that you can cast easier than the others (conjuration, divination, enchantment, etc.)

Most people wait for their attunement to come naturally (Age like 6-7). It sort of just happens, everyone having a different trigger. Most people that can afford it pay to get it triggered by some sort of official, they treat it like a coming of age sort of thing! Otherwise you gotta wait or just never get it. There’s some people, although rare, that don’t attune until very late. And most people don’t have a crazy amount of magic, it’s rare too be very strong or very weak.

People with access to conduits like wands or staffs can control their magic easier. It also helps people with weaker magic cast more difficult things.

Any fantasy race you can think of probably exists here.

Julia “J” Rosales - Was forced attuned at age 6, slightly above average magic with a concentration in transmutation. The only daughter of Queen Mariabella Rosales. The eldest child. She is currently about to be married off to a neighboring kingdom. Normally, someone would marry HER to marry into the Rosales family, but she is so uncooperative and “not worthy of the title of Queen” that her younger brother Ryan is going to become the heir instead. She will be married off and out of the way. Plus, establishing a connection with the other kingdom will be very important.

J has been miserable since birth. She had brief relief when she found out that her mother didn’t intend on her being the heir, but being told she was going to be married off was worse. She was forced to dress in the most extravagant gowns, looking like the perfect princess of the land. She was never able to do anything or go anywhere without a guard or permission from her mother. The King is not present, having left on an expedition about two years ago and has not returned. Mariabella always had more authority anyway, even before he left.

Ryan doesn’t wanna be the heir to the throne. He’s lazy and prefers to stay in his room doing various activities. He always asks for puzzles or games and then just does nothing else. J will sneak into his room so they can hang out, but it usually ends up turning into a ‘let’s talk about how ass mom is’ session.

Ryan covers for her the night she decides to leave once and for all. As sad as he is to see her go, he understands that it’s either this or her being forced to marry some random prince.

Her plan isn’t very well thought out. The ports always have pirates. Whether they’re here to trade, buy, steal, whatever- there’s always at least one pirate crew somewhere in the city. She plans to sneak onto a ship and hide below deck until they dock in another kingdom. Then she will get out and be free.

So when she leaves the castle in the dead of night with nothing but the clothes on her back and her attunement wand, she’s taken off guard when she’s caught almost immediately.

Because she climbed onto Captain Arei’s boat while they were docked and in a tavern, hid in an empty barrel, and accidentally made a crazy amount of noise when she tried to get out. Because SOMEONE put an object on the top of the barrel and she knocked it over by mistake.

So now she’s a hostage on this ship, which is now sailing out. And she’s the princess. They could hold her ransom and get a LOT of money.

Arei and her crew…

Arei Nageishi - Human. The captain herself. Ditched her own life as a miserable peasant girl and killed her sisters. Killing them actually unlocked her attunement <3. Average magic, concentration in abjuration. Ruthless captain who mainly focuses on ransacking other ships. Doesn’t really kill a lot unless they’re HUGE assholes. Loves to torture/tease captives though. Shes a decent captain and treats her crew like family, even though they bicker and insult each other a lot

Hu - Half human half nature fae. Isn’t really involved in the pirate violence, she’s moreso the caretaker of the crew during periods of rest. Plays the zither still, they do so many music nights on this ship they got so many instruments. Was born attuned bc fae blood and has a strong concentration in enchantment. She uses her instruments as a wand equivalent, and can even cast with just her voice. Her wings are similar to a butterflies, and she keeps them under her clothing because she would most certainly be killed/have them cut off to sell them somewhere in pirate world. Everyone on board knows about them.

Whit - Half elf. Attuned via ceremony at age 6. Below average magic with a concentration in illusion magic. His mother was a powerful magic user and he feels like shit having to live up to her bc he does not have her talent. Is very close to Arei, they’re besties. He’s been with her the longest out of everyone else on board. Loves egging her on when it comes to torturing captives. Loves pranking people with illusions.

Charles - Nobody really knows what he is. Nobody knows when he was attuned. He has the tiniest fucking horns on his head and a devil-like tail, but never gives a flat out answer when you ask him what he is. Thin pupils. Isn’t for the violence on board either, kind of works as the guy that focuses on the maps, the travel, and looking over the things they steal and checking for their value. Skilled in divination but cannot cast without his attuned gloves. He’s great at identifying curses or magical properties on objects. Sucks at most other magic but Whit is trying to teach him very basic illusions. Acts like he doesn’t really care about the crew + never actively participates in their shenanigans but he would literally die for them.

Veronika - Human. Attuned at age 8 after nearly accidentally killing herself. Is desperate to be bitten by any vampire-esque creature. Her dream in life is to find one and convince them to turn her. Thats why she joined the crew; so she can travel. She LOVES the life of a pirate and loves egging Whit and Arei on because they’re so entertaining! She loves bothering charles too because he’s secretive and really fun to analyze. Doesn’t have a magic concentration, so in return she uses all of them but just weaker. She uses a human bone as her attunement artifact. Don’t ask her which one, she will never stop talking.

Xander - Human. Is not attuned to magic at all. Has a deep rooted hatred for the royal crown, specifically Mariabella. He lived in a small village by the border of the kingdom, in which the entire population including his family succumbed to a terrible blight. Mariabella did nothing to aid them. He seemed to be very close to attunement on the day he became the sole survivor, but something seemed to interrupt it….

Very skilled fighter in non magical combat, spare with the others and teaches them in case they cannot use magic and need a back up. Veronika is 2nd best in hand to hand combat.

Teruko is a captain on another ship that is on a neutrality pact with Arei’s group. They just don’t rob each other when they pass each other on the water. And yes they’ve definitely all anchored and jumped on one of the boats for like a party and regretted it the next morning

Teruko’s crew consists of Eden, Nico, Rose, Ace, Levi, and later David (who is a noble pretending to be a pirate because he wants to kill Teruko but that’s another story)

[inevitably-johnlocked]

A-Z Sherlock Fan Fiction Tropes Bingo

Ahhh, so I saw this Fanfiction Bingo Card by @swissmissing going around, and even though I wasn't ever tagged, I wanted to do some recs of my own because, like, that's my whole brand LOL. I hope no one minds...🙃 I needed to have a list ready for this Sunday, and this was perfect, LOL.

And because I'm always trying to overachieve on these challenges, I'm going to do full black out, BOTH tropes in each square.

This will be a Combination of my read fics and "to read" fics [to fill in spaces I don't have tags for], which I will append the latter with (MFL) just like so, for those of you who only want fics I've personally read. And apologies, I had to remove some of my standard links to fit them all within Tumblr's link limits, so author names aren't clickable AND I've removed all series' links, so be sure to check out other stories by the authors!!

AND FINALLY, this is a rare list that I DON'T have in word-count order, just so y'all know! I hope you guys like the fics I've pick for y'all. Literally random picks from my lists, based on tag searches, LOL.

AU: A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Facial Shaving, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

Amnesia: I Need You To See Me by Mssmithlove (E, 12,625 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Amnesia, Soldier!John) – After going back to war, John is yet again invalided home, this time with a broken ankle and a chunk of his memory missing, unable to recall the last five years he's spent being Sherlock Holmes' partner and husband. Part 9 of Happiness Awaits

BDSM: Lock and Key Series by 221b_hound (E, 59,509+ w. across 14 works || Series WiP || Post-HLV, Tattoos, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Hand Jobs, Captain John, Cuddling, Sherlock's Scars, Possessive Johnlock, Exhibitionism / Voyeurism, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Masturbation, Sherlock in Panties, PWP, Dirty Talk, Sexual Fantasies, Restraints, Photographs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light BDSM, Assorted Kinks, Sherlock in a Sheet, Sex on Furniture, Domestic Fluff) – John has been back at Baker Street for a year, following the debacle that ended in Mary's death. Things are good. Back almost to what they used to be. Sherlock might wish they were something else, now, but he only has himself to blame, he thinks. It's too late, now, for the things he first denied before he'd ruined any chances he might have had. Sherlock also thinks that people who get tattoos are idiots. But perhaps he's about to learn a thing or two, not least of which might be it's not as late as he thinks it is.

Bodyswap: Inexplicable by emmagrant01 (E, 34,664 w., 6 Ch. || Body Swap, TSo3, Magical Realism / Artifacts, Infidelity, Angst) – So what was in that matchbox, anyway? John and Sherlock find out, the hard way.

Crossover: Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Star Trek Fusion || Established Relationship, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

Crack: Fucking Cake by Random_Nexus (E, 12,965 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Humour/Crack, Inanimate Object Smut, Frottage, “For a Case” / “Experiment”, PWP / Kinky, Mutual Pining, Fluff) – Sherlock brings home a chocolate cake, John finds him about to have sex with said cake, then exceedingly weird hijinx ensue. Part 1 of "Fucking Baked Goods" - Sherlock BBC

Domestic: Back to the Start by slashscribe (M, 14,088 w., 1 Ch. || Sherlock’s Violin, Pining Idiots, Fluff, Domestics) – Sherlock hasn't played the violin since John's wedding (which is long since over), and when John returns to 221B, Sherlock relearns the violin as he and John relearn each other. Post S3 fic with an obscene amount of pining, idiocy, and attempts to pawn off tea duties.

Disability: Breakable by MissDavis (E, 117,627 w., 34 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Established Relationship, Major Character Injury, Fluff/Angst, Depression, Paralysis/Disabilities, Hurt/Comfort, POV Sherlock, Mental Health Issues, Drug Use, Happy-ish Ending) – After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it's supposed to be. Part 1 of Breakable Not Broken

Established Relationship: Caught In The Act Series by ShirleyCarlton (E, 9,217 w. across 7 works || Established Relationship, Unintentional Voyeurism, Alternate POVs, Humour, Blow Jobs, Walking in on Someone, Switching, Public Sex) – This is a series of six scenarios written from the points of view of six different people as they accidentally walk in on Sherlock and John having sex.

Enemies to Lovers: Synchronicity by Calais_Reno (T, 46,424 w., 10 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Case Fic, POV John, Bullying, Coming Out, Forgiveness, Drinking/Bars, Boarding School, Drunk John) – John and Sherlock meet again, years after they were school boys together. John hasn't forgotten why he still hates Sherlock Holmes. (MFL)

Future: Uncharted Territory by J_Baillier (T, 19,603 w., 4 Ch. || Dystopian Future / Black Mirror AU || Alternate First Meeting, Angst, Drama, Homophobia, Bisexuality, Technology, Humour, Romance, Near Future, Happy Ending) – The System puts people through a series of assigned relationships in order to determine who their Perfect Match is. John believes that it works; Sherlock really, really doesn't. One of them is probably going to be wrong.

Fluff: A Lifetime Together by LondonGypsy (M, 8,886 w., 1 Ch. || Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Falling in Love, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Pining Idiots, Alternating POVs, Domestics, Retirement) – John and Sherlock falling in love.

Gen: Octopus by glass_rose_paperweight (G, 705 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Fluff, Bed Sharing, Limpet Sherlock) – A week after Sherlock and John finally get together, and John is finding sharing a bed with Sherlock Holmes to be ... difficult, sometimes. If not downright suffocating.

Genderswap: Cockscomb by birdie7272 (E, 115,302 w., 32 Ch. || Femlock / Gender Swap || Light Dom / Sub, Sensual Play, Cocks, Lace, Safe Words, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Truth or Dare, Slow Burn, Feminism, Relationships, Sexuality Crisis, Cheating, Power Play, Manipulation, Control) – Lace, whiskey, and a case full of cocks leads to a brand new kind of adventure. AKA The One With All The Cocks… When There Are No Cocks (MFL)

Historical: Enigma by khorazir (M, 289,667 w., 23 Ch. || Codebreaker / WWII / Imitation Game-Inspired AU || Case Fic, Espionage, Period-Typical Homophobia / Sexism, Pining Sherlock, Inexperienced / Virgin Sherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Non-Graphic Violence) – It’s the autumn of 1941, war is raging in Europe, German U-boats are raiding Allied convoys in the Atlantic, the Luftwaffe is bombing English cities, and the cryptographers at Bletchley Park are working feverishly to decode their enemies' encrypted communications. One should consider this challenge and distraction enough for capricious codebreaker Sherlock Holmes. But the true enigmas are yet waiting to be deciphered: an unbreakable code, a strange murder, and the arrival of Surgeon Captain John H. Watson of the Royal Navy. (MFL)

Humour: Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E, 3,834 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Public Sex, Coming in Pants, Humour, Halloween, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple's costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn't agree and exacts sweet revenge.

Illness: Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst, Promise of Forever) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Imprisonment: THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF JOHN WATSON by skyefullofstars (T, 110,758 w., 24 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Angst, Violence, Whump, Nightmares, Murder, Drug Addiction, Torture) – While Sherlock grapples with his new-found feelings for John Watson, he faces a very real threat: John's kidnapping and shooting at the hands of James Moriarty. And the knowledge that the love of his life is being used to test an addictive drug - at the risk of John's sanity and life. Prequel to THE BOYS OF BAKER STREET. Part 1 of THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF JOHN WATSON

Jealousy: The High Tide Series by stardust_made (E, 15,269 w. across 3 works || OMC, Angst, Jealousy, Developing Relationship, First Time, Romance) – A little favour Sherlock stupidly agrees to do for Mycroft leads to John meeting a handsome, afluent man, who is going out of his way to woo him. Sherlock struggles with the situation and with his own reactions to it.

Jilted: Love Is Series by SilentAuror (E, 36,903 w. across 2 works || Post S3, Alternating POV Each Story, Angst, Unrequited Love, Rejection then Reconciliation, Romance, Mary Divorce, Eventual Happy Ending) – At Mrs Hudson's urging, Sherlock finally decides to tell John how he feels about him.

Kids: The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w., 23 Ch. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) –Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

Kink: John and Sherlock's Kinky First Times Series by wendymarlowe (E, 247,051+ w. across 45 works || Series WiP || Short Stories, Assorted Tags with Assorted Genres, PWP) – A collection of short imaginings of how Sherlock and John might finally allow their relationship to become physical. Don't be afraid of the giant cloud of tags - each fic stands alone and you can read them in any order.

Long: Free Falling by twistedthicket1 (M, 203,574 w., 38 Ch. || Guardian Angels AU || Guardian Angel John, Fluff and Angst, Humour, Kidlock / Teenlock, Light Mystrade, Passage of Time, Possessive John, Drug Use / Overdose, Victor Trevor, Graphic Bullying, Big Brother Mycroft, Hard Drug Use, Depression, Possessive Sherlock, Possessive John, Panic Attacks, Nightmares/PTSD, Pining, Healing Abilities, Kidnapping, Violence, Torture, Blow Jobs, Virgin John, Emotional Development / Attachment, Mortality, Happy Ending) – All Guardian angels are born with a Chosen human. When this child is born, the angel comes into being to protect and care for them during their life on Earth. For John Watson, all he cares about in the world revolves around his Chosen, Sherlock Holmes. Watching him grow up though, the angel soon learns that God must have had a sense of humour the day he decided to make Sherlock, as trouble seems to follow him like a magnet wherever he goes. John can't decide what's worse, the idea of losing his Chosen one, or the fact that he may be breaking the most taboo law of heaven as he disguises himself as a human to better protect and befriend the beloved detective he's always watched from afar. He was meant to care for him. But what happens when caring evolves into something more? What happens when an emotion an angel is supposed to be incapable of possessing comes to life suddenly and viciously inside John's chest? 

Love Triangle: Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Magical Realism: The Frost Child by twistedthicket1 (M, 9,994 w., 2 Ch. || Frozen-ish AU || Magical Realism, Christmas, Angst, Fluff, Powerful John) – In a world where people are born with a Gift of varying levels, simple John Watson is the last person one might look at when thinking of any strong Magick capabilities. Hiding comfortably in the shadow of Sherlock's brilliant deducing abilities, John is content to keep it that way...

Major Character Death: I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

NSFW: Caves in the Mountains Are Seldom Unoccupied by starrysummernights & TheMadKatter13 (E, 7,925 w., 1 Ch. || Were-Creatures ||  Werebear John, Pseudo Bestiality, Rimming, Dub Con, Rough Sex, Come Inflation / Eating, Size Kink, PWP, Bratty Sherlock, Rutting) – “This isn’t something to play at, Sherlock,” he snapped. “If it doesn’t work out- what you’re asking of me- we can’t shrug and say 'oh well, at least we tried'. If we do this… I could seriously hurt you. Do you understand? I could lose control. I could… I could kill you.” 

Next Gen.: If Equal Affection Cannot Be by blueink3 (E, 31,156 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Family, Retirement, Grown Up Rosie, Angst, Reunion, Loneliness, Sussex, Fluff, Sexy Times, Happy Ending) – Sherlock fled London a couple of years after John left him in hospital with nothing but an old walking stick and a half-hearted goodbye. Rosie grew up thinking that Sherlock died when he committed suicide in front of her father by jumping from Barts' roof. So it's somewhat awkward when they run into each other in a Sussex general store between the loaves of bread and the Mars bars... (MFL)

Omegaverse: A Fold in the Universe by darkest_bird (E, 152,869 w., 26 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Omegaverse / Prime Universe Crossover || OmegaJohn / AlphaSherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Dubious Consent, Humour) – Alpha Sherlock and Omega John are in a relationship. Prime Sherlock and Prime John are not. So what happens when a freak fold in the universe switches one John for the other?

Only One Bed: The Cure for Snoring by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 1,278 w., 1 Ch. || Sleepy Conversations, Bed Sharing, Cuddling, Fluff, Domestic, Platonic / Sleepy Cuddles) – Sherlock and John spend the night in Scotland after finishing a case. The sole Inn in town only has one room left...one bed. This would be fine - if not a bit awkward - if Sherlock hadn't developed a habit of snoring loudly. John suffers through many hours of sleeplessness before he discovers that skin-to-skin contact stops the noise. Part 1 of Dreamscapes

Parenthood: Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

Platonic: The Green Blade by verityburns (T, 72,929 w., 15 Ch. || Case Fic, Bromance) – As a serial killer hits the headlines, the police are out of their depth and the next victim is out of time. With faith in Sherlock Holmes at an all time low, this is a case which will push loyalties to the limit...

Queer: Rupert Street by WritingOutLoud (M, 27,262 w., 9 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting || Case Fic, Sexuality, Demisexual Sherlock, Drugging, Smart John, Sherlock Has Internalized Biphobia, Fluff, Angst with Happy Ending, Gay Bar, Flirting, John Manipulates Sherlock to Eat, John Deduces, Arguments, Kidnapping/Torture, Hospitalization, John Whump) – Discharged from the war with nothing but the clothes on his back and a realisation of his bisexuality, John Watson has to learn who he’s become. He can’t afford London on an army pension, but the city is the only friend he has. In an effort to understand his newfound queer identity, he heads to a bar one night, where he stumbles across a mysterious stranger who turns his life upside down. ‘I dug around inside myself, and I'm not quite sure what I found, but it was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.’

Quest: Licence to Kiss by fellshish (T, 13,739 w., 4 Ch. || Post-ASIB, Sort-Of Bondlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Angst and Humour, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock loves John, and John loves... James Bond. He only made Sherlock watch every single film. Tedious. And now John's birthday is coming up. Sherlock can't tell him how he feels, but he can organise an amazing gift: John's very own spy adventure. Sherlock begs Mycroft for a real case with some extra gadgets. And perhaps some actors pretending to be criminals. What could possibly go wrong?

Retirement: Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w., 6 Ch. || Retirement, Sussex, Bees, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you're living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds

Road Trip: Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Rel., Road Trips, Slow Burn, Mummy Holmes) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk. “Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

Soulmates: The Heart On Your Sleeve by flawedamythyst (T, 5,441 w., 1 Ch. || Soulmate AU || Sherlock POV, Heartmarks, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Semi-S1 / S2 Canon Compliant, Reunion) – Sherlock stared at the imperfect circle on his left wrist in horror, then sat down on his bed with a bit of a thump. After over thirty years, his heartmark was finally showing activity. This was not good.

Slow Burn: Tomorrow's Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining, Jealous Sherlock) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

Teen AU: The Sky is Full of Fiddles by agirlsname (T, 25,659 w., 6 Ch. || 1895 Teenlock || Romantic Fluff, Bed Sharing, Swedish Folk Music, Dancing, Sherlock’s Violin, Poetry, Skinny Dipping, Summer Love, First Kiss, Proposals, POV John, Gay Surprise) – It's 1895 in the heart of Swedish folk music and dance. During certain weekends, boys are allowed to visit girls at night, wooing them with fantastical poems. If a girl lets a boy into her room they can share a bed all night, fully clothed, to talk and eat caramels together. John is seventeen and looking for a girl to marry like everyone else. He's very surprised when another boy suddenly stands outside his door, wanting to share his bed… (MFL)

Time Travel: The Engine by stitchy (T, 8,294 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Post-HLV, ASiP Do-Over, Sci-Fi, Time Travel) – Shortly after the events of His Last Vow, Sherlock has an opportunity to revisit the night of A Study in Pink and get some perspective on the destiny of he and John's relationship.

Undercover: The Skin Over My Heart by standbygo (E, 8,849 w., 1 Ch. || Post-Hiatus, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Dog Tags, Military, Homophobia, Gay Bashing, POV First Person Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Declarations of Love, Undercover, Haircuts, Flashbacks, Touching, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Metaphors, Introspection, Hand Jobs, On the Couch, John’s Past, Angst with Happy Ending) – Sherlock and John are still trying to adjust to Sherlock's return from his hiatus when John's friend Bill Murray brings them a case. Someone is targeting the LGBTQA+ members of Bill's unit. John and Sherlock go undercover at the unit, but when they end up having to flirt to flush out the suspect, Sherlock realizes he's in over his head.

Unrequited: Love Is Series by SilentAuror (E, 36,903 w. across 2 works || Post S3, Alternating POV Each Story, Angst, Unrequited Love, Rejection then Reconciliation, Romance, Mary Divorce, Eventual Happy Ending) – At Mrs Hudson's urging, Sherlock finally decides to tell John how he feels about him.

Vampires: Bleed Me Out by antietamfalls (E, 87,987 w., 14 Ch. || Vampire AU || Bonding, Vampire Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, Magical Realism) – John isn’t exactly surprised to discover that Sherlock isn't human. His vampirism doesn't pose a problem, even when their relationship gradually grows into something more. That is, until a deadly revelation about John’s blood sends their lives spinning dangerously out of control.

Villain POV: Genesis by pasiphile (M, 19,521 w., 1 Ch. || Graphic Violence, Moriarty’s Past) – Before he was Jim Moriarty, he was just Jimmy, a street kid with more pain in his past and more ambition in his head than he could handle, and only one other person he could bring himself to trust. Part 6 of This Life Is A Trip (When You're Psycho In Love) (MFL)

Whump: Trapped and Upside Down on the M6 by BootsnBlossoms (E, 4,256 w., 1 Ch. || Whump, Car Accident, Hurt / Comfort) – Everything felt wrong. His hair was going the wrong way. His arms were bent in ways he wouldn’t choose to bend them. His neck hurt and he couldn’t really feel his toes. Something was dripping on his face – and rolling up. A car crash. He had been in a car crash.

Werewolves: John Watson’s Moon by patternofdefiance (E, 11,314 w., 1 Ch. || Supernatural Creatures || Werewolf John, First Time, BAMF John, First Time, Anal, Fleeting Depictions of Violence) – Sherlock finds out John is a werewolf and wants to see the transformation. It, uh, gets really kinky.

Xenomorphism: Forest King by Elphen (E, 141,856 w., 27 Ch. || Magical Realism / Omegaverse AU || Mythical Creatures, Group Sex, Body Worship, Drinking / Impairment, Dubious Consent, Anal Fingering/Sex, Transformations / Shapeshifting, Mpreg, BAMF John, Possessive Sherlock, Celtic Mythology, Paganism, Sherlock’s Violin, Frottage, Illnesses, Caring Sherlock, Netherworld/Underworld, Coping Mechanisms, Paternal Lestrade, Defensive John, Big Brother Mycroft, Insecurity, Self-Esteem Issues, Misunderstandings, Mild Jealousy, Pregnant Sex, Male Lactation, Birthing, Emotional Support, Parenthood, Family History) – After falling out with his sister, John ends up in a Cornwall Midsummer’s Eve celebration in the middle of a forest that’s rather…different. After the hazy night of magic and passion with a pale-eyed man, he goes home to London. He’s in for a surprise when his stomach starts growing and buds appears on his head. Not one to just accept things, he returns to Cornwall to demand an explanation. When he meets the forest king, Sherlock, again, he has to come to terms with not only what’s happened to him but what kind of magical world he’s been thrust into. Plus, there’s the questions of whether he trusts the antlered man and how he'll survive being apparently pregnant. Sherlock isn’t much help. That doesn’t mean he isn’t trying to somehow make John understand his feelings, however, even if he’s greatly hampered by being Sherlock. They slowly move forward but problems beyond their control may arise from an act done with the best of intentions. How will they cope, separately and together? (MFL)

Xmas: Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mild Gore, Sherlock Whump) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s 'Heart of Darkness', and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts' now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.

Zombies: The Hollow Ones by antietamfalls (M, 100,244 w., 23 Ch. || Walking Dead Fusion || Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Slow Build, Emotional Constipation, Protective John, Hurt/Comfort) – The dead walk. Mangled corpses of the deceased rise and mindlessly feast upon the flesh of the living. John wakes up, alone and confused, into the remnants of a city gone mad. He will search for answers. He will find Sherlock at any cost. And he will learn that the living are far more dangerous than the dead. (MFL)

Zoomorphism: How to Build a Heart out of Ashes by Teumessian (E, 144,931 w., 31 Ch. || Changeling AU || Slow Burn, Drug Use, Mentions of Child Abuse / Bullying, Mentions of Student/Teacher Relations, Uni-Age) – In an AU where a small number of the population become Changelings at a young age, at 17 John Watson believes he's destined for Normal life but then the Change takes him and he is sent to the Baker Institute. There he meets Sherlock Holmes.

[legobiwan]

More thoughts because I apparently need to draft an entire backstory before I can write a "drabble" (which will definitely not be a drabble), aka, more lore ideas for a show that's already been picked over with a fine-tooth comb a million times, but here we are, years late, Starbucks in hand, as the old meme goes.

At the end of the whole Weirdmaggedon fiasco, Ford makes his hilariously inept proposition for him and Stan to go sailing the Arctic (Ford's heart was in the right place, but this is not how you want to introduce the possibility of fulfilling your childhood dream to your estranged and traumatized brother of 30+ years).

Anyway, Ford's lack of social skills aside, we know the general location of where they're heading from Ford's fancy-pants watch.

Now, they have a few options to get to the Spooky in the Arctic.

Take the Panama Canal

Take the Northwest Passage

Start their trip from the East Coast

Option 1: The Panama Canal, aka, a legitimate, if unlikely idea

While private vessels can cross the canal, it looks like the cost of doing so runs about $2500, maybe not an issue for the Pines twins by the end of the show, but in addition to this, crossing the Canal requires 4 linemen, who Stan and Ford would have to hire. My instinct says they wouldn't be so interested in this, at first. Maybe Ford's fixation on the Arctic was just an excuse, but given his canonical enthusiasm, I doubt he would want to deviate too far from that course. Likely the Stan twins come back later do the Canal, on their way back to Oregon. Maybe.

Option 2: The Northwest Passage, aka Death

A route through the Arctic has been the dream of many an explorer for centuries. In recent times, mostly due to global warming, the Northwest Passage has become a sliver of a option to get from West to East. Territorial and political disputes aside, it's still a wildly unsafe option, and one I imagine Ford would love to give a go at, considering all the lore surrounding the Franklin Expedition. Stan, however, would vote this down immediately. He'd like for him and his brother to live to see sixty. And not resort to cannibalism. At least not immediately.

Option 3: Setting Off From Jersey, aka, You Can Go Home Again (But Not For Too Long)

Our final option is for the Pines twins to set off on their adventure from the good old East Coast. Aside from the narrative symmetry, it's also the most practical option. This leaves us with some tantalizing loose ends. Do Stan and Ford build their boat in Oregon and then haul it cross-country? (And what a trip that would be). Or would they have it shipped and meet it later? (Realistic, but boring). Or maybe they go back East and build/order/buy the boat there. And by there, I do feel like there's no other place they could go through with this idea than Jersey. Now, they can't go from the major ports (the Port Authority Ports of New York and New Jersey, which are mainly located in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Newark, and...Bayonne). But! There are a bevy of slips and marinas up and down the Jersey coastline, perfect places to build/buy/refurbish a vessel (and a relationship). A place to leave a lifetime of ill-will behind and start anew.

This makes me think about Stan and Ford, back in Jersey after all that time, probably not too far from where they grew up. It would be a wonderful setting to explore some kind of character piece (especially if they go on some of bonkers road trip to get there) and narratively, it just fits too well.

There's no real thesis to this analysis, aside from the idea that Stan and Ford likely began their journey in the exact place they ended it so long ago. As I said, narrative symmetry and all that jazz.

[littlesparklight]

What are the specific sources that say Helen went willingly with Paris? Was discussing with a friend but all I could remember was Sappho fragment 16? Ty!!

Let me start with a quote from the preface to Ruby Blondell's Helen of Troy: Beauty, Myth, Devastation:

"Though her [Helen's] departure is typically referred to as an "abduction", none of our sources claims that Paris took Helen by force against her will. Her complicity is essential to her story."

I could, in short, give you almost any and all sources possible, anon! Even the late sources like Dictys and Dares include mutual attraction and desire, even when Helen is, actually forcibly taken. And sure, some might protest about Aphrodite's (implied, usually) forcible meddling in Helen's psychology, but that is never what we really see and that is, secondly, not really how personal responsibility, even in the face of potential/actual divine interference, works. (In that case you'd have to absolve Zeus of a lot of his escapades.)

Anyway, I'll try to give you a selection, vaguely arranged in chronological order.

The Iliad - I could pick several different lines from here, and they'd all be from Helen herself. Sure, if one's interpretation is that she is not honest about what she's saying, you might not agree, but I'm going to insist on allowing Helen the agency she is claiming for herself. So, here, from Helen's conversation with Priam in Book 3:

"Honored are you to me, dear father in law, and revered, and would that evil death had pleased me at that time when I followed your son here, abandoning [...]" (trans. Caroline Alexander)

Elsewhere Helen uses "I went". But for this the pertinent thing is that "had pleased me" because the clear implication is that what pleased her back then was Paris, not death.

The Kypria; fragmentary, here's a quote from Proclus' summary: "Aphrodite brings Helen and Alexandros together. After their intercourse, they load up a great many valuables and sail away by night."

That "brings [them] together" isn't a language of force in the terminology used, and it's clearly both Helen and Paris who takes the valuables, not Paris alone. In fact, lets compare a directly comparable sentence from the (much) later Bibliotheke, Epitome 3.3: "Alexander persuaded Helen to go off with him. And she abandoned Hermione, then nine years old, and putting most of the property on board, she set sail with him by night."

'Persuasion', 'she abandoned', '[she] put most of the property on board', 'she set sail'. You see the point here. Helen is not baggage that Paris has picked up like an inanimate object and left with, no matter what its will. She is doing things.

You already mentioned Sappho 16 yourself, so let's turn to her contemporary Alkaios, fr. 283 (taking the translation of the quote of this from Blondell's book): "... and [Eros?] excited in her breast, the heart of Argive Helen; and driven mad by the Trojan man, the host-deceiver, she followed him over the sea in his ship."

The rest basically reiterates these opening lines, and you can see some of the similarity to Sappho 16, but Alkaios is a lot more condemnatory. Of Helen and Paris both.

Euripides next. Iphigenia in Aulis: "[...]and he, finding Menelaus gone from home, carried Helen off, in mutual desire, to his steading on Ida." (Agamemnon speaking.) and "[...]that Hellas might exact vengeance on the one who had fled her home to wed a foreigner." (The chorus speaking.) Trojan Women: "Their captain too, whom men call wise, has lost for what he hated most what most he prized, yielding to his brother for a woman's sake—and she was willing and not taken by force—the joy he had of his own children in his home." (Kassandra speaking.) I'm not going to quote all of Hecuba's speech in the agon against Helen, but her whole argument is that Helen went willingly... and some of Helen's own arguments are less to deny this idea of mutual desire/having left willingly and more to say Aphrodite is impossible to resist (but then we have to absolve Zeus, for Helen uses his vulnerability to Aphrodite as her thrust for as to why she should be excused).

Herodotus in his Histories is another that speak of abduction out of one side of the mouth and implies something far more willingly/mutual with the other (from 2.115):

"gave wings to and were gone with her"; the phrase really is that, quite literally, and I haven't been able to find anything that actually discusses this. (Another translations goes with "did stir her to desire" which, while that isn't what the text literally says, does, like, get the idea of something mutual happening/the usual focus on Helen's desire for Paris across to us better.)

And for something a little later, Gorgias' Encomium of Helen: like Blondell points out in her book, Gorgias' suggestion of actual force/violence as a potential factor in Helen leaving Sparta is quite singular. (In fact, all of his arguments turns into force/violence against Helen and make her basically an object who doesn't so much have no agency as no will or personhood that might react independently at all.)

And Ovid's Heroides certainly has Helen inviting Paris' attentions, even if she does so in a circuitous manner, circling up on saying "yes, come here, now that Menelaos has left".

Anyway, I could probably have gone on, but there's a couple sources, at least!

And I'd like to point out that whether one wants to insist that Aphrodite's potential direct influence means any "willingness" of Helen's is meaningless or not, there's a whole galaxy between "Helen went off with literally no thought to what this would cause or to her daughter and Menelaos and her family, and didn't care about the consequences/intentionally meant to cause all this destruction to both sides" and "she cares about this, and is/will be conflicted over it, yet is also attracted to and leaves with Paris".

Like, just because she wasn't violently kidnapped against her will, and was/is actually attracted to Paris (which she is still in the Iliad! That is part of the point of her confrontation with Aphrodite!) and so on, doesn't mean there aren't a lot of nuances (as the Iliad itself shows) that can be put into Helen being attracted to Paris and leaving willingly in some manner.

[peacekeeperangel]

The CRK Pirate OC Challenge!

Hello everyone! So I've set up a little list of prompts for writing/drawing for all these Pirates I've been seeing wandering across my field as of late. But I'm going to make it a little more interesting.

If possible please either pick up four Six-Sided dice or use this dice generator and roll out a random number- that number will be your prompt! Cause pirates live on chance y'see?

If you take this challenge please do not read your options before you roll, but if you are uncomfortable with the result do go ahead and re-roll. Thank you and I hope you enjoy these prompts

1. Lunch! Your crew is having a meal in the ship’s mess. Do they behave themselves? What are they eating? BONUS: you show either the Cooking process or the cleanup

2. Dead End Race- your oc is sailing in competition with other oc pirate crews! (Bonus: What is the prize at the end?)

3. Your Crew have somehow made it to the Vanilla Kingdom! Costume swap for the win? (Note: If you don’t follow the CRK game/lore feel free to re-roll)

4. Soon May the Wellerman Come~ pick an appropriately sea-themed song for this prompt!

5. UNO REVERSO! Your OC has done a complete 180! What do they look/act like now?

6. Someone on the Crew has done a Naughty. How does your OC punish their sailor? 7. Sea Monster Attack! It’s up to your OC’s crew to save their ship. How does it go?

8. Your OC has gotten sick. Who looks after them and do they behave as a patient? BONUS: How’d they get sick anyway?

9. Your Crew have somehow made it to the Hollyberry Kingdom! Costume Swap for the win? (Note: if you don’t follow the CRK game/lore feel free to re-roll) 10. Someone needs to look after the Cannons. Does it go well or does it go poorly? 11. Bananas and Coconuts. No I will not explain further, your OC must deal with Bananas and Coconuts.

12. Your OC encounters a pool of water that turns everything it touches into solid gold. How did they discover it and how do they deal with it? 13. Your OC encounters a very snooty treacherous noble who has your OC dead to rights. How does your character Jack Sparrow their way out of this one?

14. Draw your OC as a human/meme. If you’re doing this as a writing challenge then you must write a story with as many dad jokes as possible!

15. Drinking Contest! Team up with a friend and have your OC’s in a drinking competition! Decide the winner by rolling a six-sided die, the winner will be whoever rolls higher! (Note: if you’re too nervous to ask anyone, please re-roll)

16. Your OC got into a bind and now must use their Charisma to escape. Are they successful or cringey?

17. Your Crew have somehow made it to the Dark Cacao Kingdom! Costume Change FTW? (Note: if you do not follow the CRK game/lore feel free to roll for a new prompt!)

18. Things are getting Lovecraftian around here. How does your OC cope with the squishy horribleness of it all?

19. A Captain must go down with their ship. Depict the last stand of your OC

20. Mutiny on board! What does your OC do? 21. Your Crew has Made it to the Golden Cheese Kingdom! Costume change for the win? (Note: if you don’t follow CRK game/lore feel free to re-roll)

22. GIANT BOULDER! AKA, your OC’s Indiana Jones moment. How do they handle it?

23. Depict your OC’s proudest moment.

24. Time for bed. Depict your OC sleeping (Bonus: Make it Wholesome/spicy as you see fit) EDIT BONUS: If you have Completed all 24 Prompts you must have the dreaded CABIN FEVER! Draw/write your OC concequences suffering Cabin Fever

[timetravellibrarian]

Daughter of the Sea One Piece x reader

Just an extract of my story. The story has about 9 chapters so far. Available on Wattpad if you're interested. Goes by the same name as the heading. Initially it supposed to be a x black reader but anyone can read it since there are no specified feature.

_________________________________________

"Y/-"

'Luffy?'

"Y/n."

'Huh?'

"Y/N!"

The girl's eyes opened at the feel of her captain frantically shaking her. His face seemed like he was slightly panicked.

"What's wrong?"

"You were calling for help in your sleep."

"I was?"

The two stared blankly at each other. Luffy's eyes seemed to be scanning her soul. The girl lay on the couch as he bent down to be at eye level with her. Luffy's braincells worked for a moment. He had never really questioned her past, a feeling having coming over him when his eyes met with her's from the first time. But now he wanted to know what troubled her. Even if it was something small, he wanted to be there for her too. He is her friend afterall.

"Y/n is there som-"

Zoro's voice could be heard outside."Hey, get your butts out here!"

She stood up first and headed to where Zoro was calling them, Luffy following close behind, hand holding onto the fabric of her coat to catch up. Soon Ussop, Sanji, Y/n and Luffy looked up at Zoro.

"I find it hard to get motivated when you're giving the orders," Sanji commented.

"Shut up!" Zoro said to Sanji, irritation clearly showing at the blonde's remark before he focused on the topic at hand. " We need to catch the portside wind."

Sanji turned to Nami, who seemed to be placing her weight on the ship's bannister."Nami what's up? It's a perfect day. The sun is shining, waves are quiet."

"The wind." She let out tiredly.

"The wind?"

"There's a powerful wind coming this direction."

Y/n closed her eyes to feel the wind against her face. 'She's right.'

Luffy placed his hand on Nami's forehead and then retracted it after feeling her temperature and yelling at how high it was before the woman claimed it was her normal temperature.The wind began to pick up and the crew began to follow Zoro's orders.

"THE RUDDER'S NOT WORKING!"

Ussop announced. The sound of thunder with a flash of lightning came into everyone's line of vision. Out there, not even a few kilometres away was a large cyclone and the current was slowly pulling the Going Merry toward it.

"Oh no. It's too late!" Nami yelled in worry,.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"How the hell did this even happen?" Y/n asked no one in particular.

"Zoro was in charge of navigating." Nami simply stated.

Y/n abruptly turned to look at Zoro , her eyes looking bewildered at the green-haired swordsman. "WHAT THE HELL, MOSSHEAD?!"

"That's my line."

She turned to Luffy. "What do we do?!"

He scratched his head. A faraway look in his face. "Don't know."

"YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN!"

Y/n paused for a moment.She heard a faint voice coming from somewhere on the ship as it filtered into her mind. "He never really knew much anyway." Her eyes caught sight of a white rock and it was moving on its own? Not now. Now was not the time to question her sanity.

She turned to Nami up ahead. "Nami what do we do?" The navigator was still too busy trying to stay conscious.

"Nami what's- y'know what, I'm taking the lead, you head back inside." (Y/n) ordered. The navigator looked at her, confused by her sudden change in tone but obeying nonetheless.

"Zoro, Sanji!"The both of them turned to her. There was a serious look on her face. Her stance emanating a tad bit of power.

"Hmn?"

"~Yes ,Y/n-swaaan?"

"Furl the sails. Make sure everything is tied up."

"Okay." The two made their way to their assigned stations. She turned to Ussop and Luffy. Ussop was on the floor curled into a ball and Luffy was staring at the cyclone intrigued.

"Ussop! Pull yourself together and man the rudder, pull it the moment you feel the ship moving. Luffy, Help him."

The two looked at her confused. Their eyebrows raised at the order.

" Just do it!"

"Yes ma'am!" Ussop ran to his assigned post, Luffy trailing behind.

Y/n ran to the head of the Merry. The ship was metres away from the large storm and frankly she was as confused as to how she'll save every one.

Zoro and Sanji had furled the sails. Luffy and Ussop were at the rudder and Nami and Vivi were safely inside. It was time for her part.

'Guess I gotta wing it.'

She ran as far as she could away from the ship's railing before stopping to face the direction from where she had ran.

As she was about to sprint back she stopped and took off her boots, coat, scarf, beanie, t-shirt and lastly her warm pants. "I paid money for these I ain't about to lose em."

She took a rope and tied it loosely around her belly. Zoro caught sight of this her actions.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WOMAN?"

"Fixing your mistake!"

Zoro turned away from her, an irk mark visible on his forehead. "Y/n's so beautiful when she puts people in their place." Sanji noodle danced a few metres beside him.

"SHUT UP!"

She went back to looking at where she would run and then began to sprint.

Her breath came out with short inhales and long exhales. Skin slowly shimmering in the sunlight that was slightly covered by clouds. She jumped onto the railing before diving and plummeting towards the dark blue waters, a rope following behind.'Please let this work.'

Sanji nearly had a heart attack when he caught sight of her jump.

"Y/N!"

The sound of a splash could barely be heard from their position atop the sails. There was a deafening silence before Sanji tried to get off the sail to go and rescue her from her sudden actions.

The ship came to a sudden halt. The blonde chef losing his balance as he climbed down and ended up landing on his bottom.

"What was that?"

Soon the ship started to move away from the storm's direction. Ussop and Luffy began to turn the rudder that was previously jammed.

"What's going on?"

The sound of a whale call echoed all around them. The ship turning a different direction completely.

Sanji ran towards the head of the Merry only to find the rope that Y/n had tied around herself on a giant Blue whale.

His cigarette slowly dropped from his lips. (The cigarette's a paid actor.)

Zoro could see the creature moving the ship before piecing two and two together. A proud grin became apparent on his face.

Once the ship was far from danger,Luffy ran out to see what was happening outside. Once he stood beside Sanji to see what he was looking at his mouth dropped in awe and his eyes had turned into bright stars.

"Did that whale pull our ship? SOO COOOL!!!"

The large whale let out some water from its blowhole. A smile evident evident from its smiling eyes. Ussop ran out to see what all the commotion was about. He let out a dramatic gasp at the sight of the whale."Where's Y/n she has to see this."

"That is Y/n." Zoro simply stated as he pointed at the whale.

"What?" Luffy looked at the whale in confusion.

"That's rude of you to say Zoro." Ussop shook his head at the statement. His eyes narrowed at the swordsman as if scolding him.

"No, that actually is her."

Looking closely at the whale it looked like any other whale but it's eyes were similar atleast.

"Oh."

Before any of them could anticipate it the whale shrunk back down and all that could be seen was Y/n's head above the water.

"ZORO!"

"YEAH?"

"COULD YOU GET ME A LARGE TOWEL!"

"SURE!"

Once Y/n was dressed, everyone sat around Nami's bed in the women's quarters.

"Why didn't you tell us you could shapeshift?" Ussop asked as he took a sip of his tea.

"I didn't want Luffy to mistake me for food."

Ussop nodded at her reasoning without question."Makes sense."

"I'm not that bad!" Luffy sounded offended, a pout evident as he crossed his arms.

'You are ' Everyone thought at the same time.

[alex51324]

So I finally got around to reading the Gideon the Ninth/Locked Tomb series, which is awesome, and I have a number of observations, but let’s start with this: 

HERE BE SPOILERS!!  Big ones.  Up through Nona the Ninth.

I’ve seen John Gaius’s villain arc summed up as “he got mad and destroyed the solar system because they didn’t use his plan to save Earth/humanity.”  But the actual story, as I understand it, is way more relatable than that.  

I mean, here’s what I understood to have happened:  First, he’s involved in a plan to save humanity from extinction.  Said plan struggles to get funding and resources, until eventually it is put on hold.  (And he develops superpowers.)  Eventually, the Powers That Be reveal the replacement plan to save humanity from extinction, and it has...big, obvious holes in it.  Just does not pass the sniff test.  JG points this out, but nobody pays any attention.  (Meanwhile, he starts attracting more attention for his superpowers.  However, this does not result in any attention for his central message, i.e., “The newly-revised plan to save humanity from extinction is shady as fuck.”)

So he goes about collecting evidence for the shadiness of the New Plan.  Just reams of evidence showing that there is no possible way that there could possibly be enough FTL ships built in time to save more than a tiny fraction of the population.  He tries showing this evidence to world leaders.  He tries showing it to the general public.  (Meanwhile, the powers-that-be have started getting scared of his superpowers; in response he explodes some cows.)   He comes right out and says, “Hey, this small group of extremely rich people are conning the entire world into building & paying for a lifeboat that is only ever going to be big enough for them, and that’s super fucked-up.”

But  the people with seats in the lifeboat say, “That’s the guy who exploded those cows that one time, and cows have feelings.”

And everybody falls for it.  Nobody can be persuaded to care that 99.9% of humanity is going to be left to die, but there is plenty of outrage available for that herd of cows he exploded.  Every time he tries to show his evidence--large amounts of hard and extremely convincing evidence--that there is no second wave of lifeboats (much less any more after that), all anyone wants to talk about is the cows.  

He keeps on attempting to Reveal The Truth up until the lifeboats are on the launching pads and the countdown is starting.  Then, and only then, he goes, “OK, so apparently you only listen to cartoonishly evil supervillains, I can work with that” and starts cackling evilly and waving a nuclear bomb around.  

But the powers-that-be somehow guess that at this point he’s only posing as a cartoonishly evil supervillain at this point, so it doesn’t work, and finally, when it becomes clear that it’s now too late for any rational means of persuasion to work, he flips over to actually being a supervillain.

And man, as supervillain origin stories go, I just find that super-relatable.  

Disclaimer: obviously killing the entire solar system and everyone in it is bad!  And  pursuing a 10,000 year campaign of vengeance against the distant descendants of the people who conned the rest of humanity into building them a lifeboat and then left them (the rest of humanity) for dead is super fucked up. 

But.  If I were ever to go supervillain, it would probably be something like that.  I’ve had the experience of trying to show people that the course of action they’re pursuing is obviously and transparently worse, in all of the ways that they claim to care about than an alternative that they have rejected, and having them just...not care.  If I were given superpowers in the middle of such a situation, it would end badly, is what I’m saying.  

Anyway, I find that very impressive, writing-wise.  JG has obviously sailed way over the moral event horizon, and he’s kept on finding new ways to be evil after the whole genocide-starkiller thing, but the way he got there is a path I could very easily see myself going down.  

Looking back, I think the fundamental error was when he went from thinking, “They should listen to me because I have all this evidence,” to “they should listen to me because I could kill them with my magic powers.”  Everything else--for the next 10,000 years--kind of follows from that.  But I can’t be sure I wouldn’t make that mistake, if I A) was really mad, and B) had magic powers. 

[hopetorun]

it's always harder to start a personal post than it feels like it'll be when i'm drafting it in my head while i wash the dishes. pushing through to ramble and navel-gaze anyway, though—

i've been thinking as the new year gets its legs under it about the effort i put in last year toward the goal of not being single. i didn't call it that, obviously. the actual spelled out goal was to do one singles or speed dating event per month and one volunteering event per month, which to be clear i came nowhere close to (i went to three speed dating events and three volunteering events and did one month of weekly swing dance classes). but i did do more than last year. and out of those three speed dating events i ended up going on two dates (with the same person). overall it was, diplomatically, pretty disheartening.

i'm going to keep trying, though i haven't decided exactly what that's going to look like in 2025. going out and doing things is expensive, and putting yourself out there without much to show for it is draining. even trying to buy cute clothes as a fat person is draining. i like the idea of trying to cultivate a larger social circles of weak ties, but in practice i'm pretty reserved when i'm alone in a crowd of new people. i'm starting to get the sense that it's easier to meet someone when you're already dating someone, like getting a job is easier when you already have a job. is it worth trying the horrid apps again, because at least they're less expensive, even if they're more draining? is this just what it's like trying to not be single when you're fat? am i just emanating lack of confidence in my dating prospects from every pore?

i'm giving myself january off, to fortify myself emotionally and think about how i'm going to take aim at this this year and because i want to have a low spend month and this shit adds up quick. unfortunately, thinking about it means thinking about it. and thinking about it kind of sucks!

there's this big part of myself that i've never had the opportunity to know, and i've really felt it lately. i can only take a guess at what i'm like in a relationship, what i'm like when i share my life with someone to that degree. the older i get, the more keenly i feel having never known that, and the more i doubt that i can even find room in my life for it. where do i fall on the i don't want somebody in my house to there's someone in my house and they love me spectrum?

when i was home over christmas, mom said something about me having kids (not in a pushy way, it was fine) and i said that i don't want to undertake single parenting. she, not unfairly, pointed out that that's always a risk of it. and she's right, of course, there is always a risk of a partner dying or leaving or needing to be left. she didn't change my mind, or even particularly open the door to me changing my mind, but it did make me additionally sad for another part of myself i might never get to know.

i don't really know where i'm going with this. thinking about my gratitude to all the writers i've read over the years who've been so clear that there really are no guarantees. thinking that many people look for love for years and years and never find it. that others find it later in life. too late for some things, perhaps, but not never. that it's this huge, important thing that i can't really control much at all. i can make an effort (even though making an effort often feels worse than not) and ... that's basically it. i can work on my tendency to be reserved in a crowd and take myself out to places where people meet people and beyond that ... hope for the best? kinda sucks.

a dear friend texted me the other day asking for me to be there for some of her wedding day activities. she's older than me, and met her wife (who's my age) in fandom. it's both heartening and not, you know? most of my friends met their spouses in college (that ship has sailed) or in fandom (i'm open to it but it's probably a long shot). some fell for a friend. a lot of my friends are just as single as me (though many of them are more content to stay that way).

i want to wrap this around to some kind of conclusion, and i don't think there is one. i haven't even really learned anything from a year of this. feeling unwanted sucks (i knew that), meeting someone to fall in love with is a crapshoot (i knew that), going out and doing things is expensive (i knew that). i hope i can come back to this post someday and have a way to tie it all back together and mean something. it doesn't feel likely right now.

[eri-pl]

Announcement: Silm Advent calendar

OK, so you know how Advent calendars work, right? I imagine it's a known thing, not only for Christians, because every chocholate making company makes them and supermarkets shove them in people's faces.

Anyway in case you don't: You have a box with 24 (or whatever amount of days depending on the year) slots, and each day you open the one with the day's date and there's a small treat in there.

So I'll be posting something like this. Every day there'll be a scheduled post (not all on the same hour) with a title "Silm Advent calendar [day]" and a "read more". And under the "read more" there'll be a small treat for y'all.

They are all already scheduled.

All treats are entirely SFW: The images are mostly kid-appropriate (some have too much fire for small kids, also: quality may vary). The texts are… if you're old enough to use Tumblr, they're age-appropriate four you. Not all would beappropriate for, say, a 7yo because sometimes there's a little violence or cursing. Some are very fluffy, some are sad or somewhat ominous. Also, they are related to the Silm, so the implications/context are sometimes much, much darker (or lighter). All potential triggers are hopefully tagged and listed, please let me know if I missed something. The quality may vary too (but hey, they're proofread, we die like Men!)(well ok they aren't proofread that well obviously. But they are proofread) which is still something.

They aren't necessarily 100% consistent with each other or other stuff I wrote, but there are some connections.

So:

Silm Advent calendar 1: Day

Warnings: teenager PoV in late Númenor and he's not even Faithful. No triggering details, but it's late Númenor.

Too young.

Too young to sail with everyone. (They really meant "not good enough", didn't they? Not good enough with the ship, with the ropes, with the sword, with the lessons, with anything. It's not like there's an age limit after all.)

The air is thick, too hot for the season and the street is black. The soot stains Zâinathôr's new shoes.

Too young to sail, not good enough to sail and to return with the glory of immortal lands. (Will they all be immortal when they come back, or just the important ones? Or just the ones who fought best against the jealous, lying "lords" who claim those lands?)

Not enough and now they're probably fighting already and Zâinathôr has to wash a damned wall like a peasant, because some traitor had vandalized it—again—with strange, wicked letters. Is it a threat? Is it a curse? Hopefully even if it is, it will befall on the broom, or on the wet cloth on it, not on Zâinathôr. He mutters luck-bringing proverbs just in case.

His life is cursed enough already. The younger son, and also the less gifted one. Too young to sail.

They'd been gone for over a month and yesterday the abandoned island shook without its king. Will they ever return home? Or will they bask in the immortal glory and leave the weak ones waiting forever?

Zigûr has stayed, but the island doesn't seem to care. Or maybe he does not care. The black smoke rises into the sky, but it changes nothing, except the state of walls and streets. Apparently the rebels don't care either.

Zâinathôr smears the watered down paint in all directions, now it's dark from the soot, but the hourglass and the curse are still visible below the black. Why do those people want everyone to die? What has anyone even do to them? Well, except killing then, but, damn, they started it! They tried to usurp the king. Zâinathôr curses them quietly, unsure if he's more angry about the murder plots or about the stubborn unreadable vandalism.

It's been over five weeks already, maybe five and a half. Hopefully when the King defeats the cowards who live in the west, the traitors would finally understand that they can't win and go away or... something. And leave Zâinathôr and his friends alone.

The street beneath his feet vibrates with a low murmur again, and he continues washing. His thoughts are already at next week's play. What should he wear?

It gets darker. Why do those damned clouds always have to appear when he needs to see clearly? Even in the dimmed light, the paint on the wall is still visible, despite all the washing. The only difference is that now large part of the wall is black.

For a moment Zâinathôr wonders again what those words mean. Something nasty, that's for sure. Better no not think about it. (The air smells of fire.)

He'll wear the sea-blue tunic. It will look better in this weather.

[zorosangell]

⛥ﾟ・。 protector: chapter three

synopsis: " you were supposed to stay a crewate, just another back to watch, " he tightened his hold, " i didn't even notice the change until i woke up one day and realized i'd take a bullet for you "

cw: violence, gore, fighting, mature themes, profanity, MAJOR/MINOR ANIME SPOILERS, follows the plot of the anime, slowww burn.

a/n: reposting from another account

"I'm so hungryyy," Luffy whined, hanging his head off the edge of the boat.

"When the hell are we gonna reach land anyway?" Zoro groaned as looked in the distance.

"Who knows? We're just sailin' on the wind and the waves, going where they take us. We might not ever even reach the land. Nah, I guess we will someday," the boy sighed.

"That someday better be today. 'Cause if I don't get some food soon, I'm gonna resort to eating some people," you groaned from your spot sprawled out on the floor, side-eyeing the green-haired man, "Lookin' at you, Zoro."

He scoffed and looked away, but you could've sworn you saw something red on his cheeks.

"Don't you find it dumb that someone trying to be King of the Pirates doesn't have a single navigational skill?" he asked Luffy, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Not really. I just drift around. What about you? Aren't you some famous bounty hunter who's sailed the seas?"

"He has a point," you chimed.

"I don't have any recollection of ever calling myself a bounty hunter. I set out onto the open sea in search of just one man, but then I couldn't get back to my village. By that point, I had no choice but to go after pirate ships to earn a living," Zoro answered, looking up into the sky.

"Oh, I see... So you're just lost," Luffy said, still staring down at the water.

You snickered.

"Hey, don't put it like that!" Zoro exclaimed, slamming his foot on the boat and making it rock.

Since you were on the ground, you got thrown up into the air and landed on a certain someone's lap.

"Bastard! I could've fallen off the boat," you growled in Zoro's face, furrowing your eyebrows.

You expected him to yell back, but that redness came to his cheeks and he looked away from you again.

"Get off," he grumbled.

You suddenly realized your position, sitting on his crotch, and your cheeks burned as you quickly crawled off.

"Your fault for rocking the boat," you grumbled under your breath as you looked away from him.

That's when you saw Luffy's hat floating over the sail and getting ready to fall in the ocean, but Zoro caught it before it could.

He handed it back to Luffy and the two sat back down, Luffy staring down at the hat in his hands for ten minutes.

"Luffy. You're gonna drop that thing again. I thought it was important," Zoro stated.

"It is. Thanks," Luffy smiled.

"Uh, I am so hungry. It's killing me," Zoro groaned.

You sighed and glanced up into the sky to see a bird.

"Look, it's a bird."

"I know! Let's eat it!" Luffy smiled.

"Huh? How do we catch it?" Zoro asked.

"Leave that to me! Gum Gum—!" "Luffy, no! That bird is—!"

But it was too late.

Strawhat already shot himself in the air and went straight for the bird, but it caught him in its beak.

"Huge," you sighed, finishing your sentence.

"Help me!" he started shouting as the bird carried him away.

Zoro quickly grabbed your only two oars and paddled as if his life depended on it.

"You moron! What the hell's goin' on now?!" Zoro exclaimed.

"I tried to tell you that the damn bird was gigantic!" you exclaimed, placing your hands at the sides of your mouth so Luffy could hear you.

"Can't you fly up there and grab him?!" Zoro snapped his head over to you.

"And get snatched up, too?!" 

"Hey! You there! Stop! Please! Men overboard!" one guy began calling from not too far ahead.

It looked like there were three of them.

"I can't believe we find ship wreckers at a time like this! I can't stop, you're just gonna have to jump in!" Zoro yelled.

"What?!" the men exclaimed as they swam to the sides of the boat and climbed in, just before they could get mowed down.

"I'm actually impressed you made it onboard," Zoro smirked.

"Are you trying to kill us?!" They shouted in unison.

"Stop the boat. Now. The three of us are members of Buggy the Clown's pirate crew. This boat is ours now!" the leader drew his sword, pointing it at you.

"Excuse me?" you asked in a dangerously low voice, narrowing your eyes at the three.

You proceeded to beat them to a pulp.

"Today is not the day. I'm tired, hungry, and my damn captain just got taken by a predatory bird. If you want to live to see the rest of your days then I suggest you paddle," you growled as you snatched the oars from Zoro and shoved them into the arms of the other pirates.

You looked back in the sky to see that Luffy and the bird were nowhere in sight.

"Thanks to you three idiots, we've lost sight of our friend."

"Knowing Luffy, he'll probably pull off something once he spots land," Zoro stated, looking up in the sky.

There was a long silence.

"So, any ideas about what we do now?" the lead henchman asked.

"Good question. If Captain Buggy finds out a girl stole our boat and our treasure, we're history," his comrade agreed.

"I know," the third one sadly agreed.

"Huh? So who is this Buggy guy?" Zoro asked.

"Uh. You've never heard of Buggy the Clown?!" the third one exclaimed.

"Nope," Zoro answered.

"He's the ruthless captain of our pirate ship. And he's eaten one of the Devil Fruits. Above everything else, he is one truly terrifying man," the leader answered, resting his hands on his knees.

You docked at the port that was in the direction Luffy was taken when a gigantic boom rang through the air.

"That was one heck of an explosion," Zoro stated seriously.

"It looked like it was one of the Captain's beloved Buggy Balls," one of the henchmen said fearfully.

"Buggy balls?" you cocked a brow.

You and Zoro got on the boat the henchmen told you that Luffy would be on, and as soon as you landed, the two of you saw Luffy trapped in a cage and a girl about to be turned into mincemeat.

Zoro quickly got in front of her and used his swords to block their attack.

You went over to the girl and helped her up.

"Hey now. It's not very nice of you guys to gang up on the poor girl," Zoro growled as he held the men in place with two swords.

"Zoro! (y/n)!" Luffy happily exclaimed.

"Are your hands alright?" you asked as you carefully took her hands in yours, examining her injuries.

The burn, luckily, wasn't too bad, and would heal pretty quickly.

"Whew! What a relief! I'm glad you found us. Now hurry up and come get me out of here," Luffy sighed.

"How do you keep getting yourself into these situations? First, a bird flies off with you, and now we find you trapped in a cage," Zoro asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"It's an interesting story, actually," Luffy shrugged.

"Hey, that little brat just called him Zoro!" one of the crew members gasped.

You started walking over to Luffy's cage with Zoro, when a creepy voice spoke up.

"So you're Zoro. If you're here for my head, you've got quite a struggle before you," a clown-looking captain crossed his arms.

"No. Not interested. I gave up pirate hunting. I'm here for my friend," Zoro calmly replied.

"But I'm interested though. Killing you would bolster my reputation," the captain smirked.

"If you try, you'll die," Zoro said darkly, glaring at Clown Face.

"Oh. Is that so?" Clown Face grinned, pulling out two cutlasses.

"I tried to warn you, but oh well," Zoro sighed.

The crew members started chanting "Buggy" as the two men stood off, Clown Face licking his swords and Zoro putting his third sword in his mouth, lowering into a fighting stance.

You moved off to the side so you weren't in the way.

Buggy ran for Zoro and jumped in the air, now having four cutlasses in one hand, but Zoro cut right through him, the pieces falling to the floor.

Zoro tucked his swords back into his holster.

"That wasn't much of a fight, now was it," he glared at Buggy's body.

'Something's not right.'

"Way to go, Zoro!" Luffy cheered.

The other pirates began laughing and you furrowed my eyebrows as you turned to them.

"Why are they laughing?"

"Their captain is laying dead on the ground and yet they're still laughing? What's going on?" The redheaded girl asked.

"Fellas. What do you find so damn funny?" Zoro glared at the pirates, his back turned so he couldn't see Buggy rise up from the ground.

Your eyes went wide as Buggy stabbed him in the side, Zoro yelling out in pain.

"ZORO!" you and Luffy shouted in unison.

Buggy's severed hand pulled out the cutlass and returned to his wrist.

"The Chop Chop fruit. That's the name of the Devil Fruit that's given me my powers. I'm a Chop-Chop person, and now I can never be defeated by the sword!" Buggy maniacally laughed as he reconnected his torso with his legs.

You quickly whipped out your pistol from your holster and shot him in the foot to see if that would do anything.

His yell of pain gave you your answer.

"We can do guns if you want," you spat, grabbing your other one out of your other holster.

Your outfit was simple. A white tube top with a brown, burlap, miniskirt, a belt with a holster for your mace and pistols, and a gold anklet that hung loosely on your Greek sandaled feet.

"So he's a Chop Chop man? That's pretty freaky," Luffy deadpanned.

"So angry. I didn't hit any vital organs on your little boyfriend, but that's a serious wound he has there. So I'm guessing I am the winner! But now it's your turn, girl. Don't think I'll let you shooting me go without punishment," Buggy smirked, his henchmen cheering for him.

"I let my guard down. Stupid mistake," Zoro strained, slowly trying to get up.

"It was. Now, can you fight? I can't take on the crew and Bozo over here by myself," you asked him in a low voice, keeping your eyes on Clown Face.

"Stabbing him in the back was a cowardly move, you Big Nose!" Luffy shouted.

The entire crew went silent.

"What's that... you... said! Who's got a big nose?!" Buggy shouted, throwing a cutlass at Luffy.

"Luffy!" Zoro exclaimed.

But Straw Hat managed to catch it with his teeth.

"I'm gonna kick your ass as soon as I get out of this cage!" Luffy smiled, breaking the sword.

"You kick my ass? You've got a lot of nerve, kid. No, I'm afraid all four of you are going to die here today, by my own hand. So if you're going to do any ass kicking, you better do it soon," Buggy laughed.

"We're done for. It's all over," the redhead girl said sadly.

"I refuse to die! (y/n)! Get ready!" Luffy shouted, smiling.

"You better have a really good plan or else we're all dead!" you and Redhead shouted back in unison.

Suddenly, it clicked, and you smirked.

"I gotcha," you nodded in a low voice.

"Impudent girl! Time to die!" Buggy shouted, attacking you with all five of his swords.

You blocked every single one of his swipes, managing to bash his torso in half and then get behind him.

"I already told you I'm—Hey! Listen when I'm talking to you!" Buggy shouted once he realized you were running to the cannon, Zoro over your shoulder.

You placed him down in front of you before getting under the cannon and pushing up, straining to lift it.

"AGH!" you shouted, making your wings help push, flipping it over to face the other pirates.

Zoro's eyes went wide as he watched you, and the pirates' faces lit up in terror.

"Crap, the cannon's pointed at us! No!" Buggy exclaimed.

"Hurry! Light it!" You ordered the girl.

"Right!" She nodded.

"Wait! The cannon's still loaded with a special Buggy Ball! I don't wanna go out like this! Done in by my own balls!" Buggy shouted.

Redhead lit the fuse.

"I can't believe you just did that, yo ungrateful little girl! Wait! N-N-No! Stop! Stop it now!"

Buggy's rants were interrupted by the deafening boom of the cannon.

[rey-jake-therapist]

idk how to feel abt the promo now being completely focused on haladriel ngl. like … on one hand it clearly means something has shifted and they’re aware of what attracts attention, which bodes well for haladriel in future szns. but at the same time im kinda annoyed that this promo tactic only happened after s2 because a) i think they should be promoting s2 as a whole b) the push for haladriel should’ve happened way before the finale/ep 8. they’re reusing the fight scene every day and it’s like yeah you realised they bring in the views but you have only 1 clip to sustain over 2 years.

the captions like “indistinguishable from evil” are also funny because none of that translates with the crappy dialogue we actually got. it’s like they did a whole 180 because pre finale promo was vv different. i think they should stop taking advice from ‘focus groups’ or reddit bros. ofc feedback is good but sometimes i feel like they’re always leaning on outside opinions to carry the next szn rather than the writers knowing exactly how they want things to play out & standing by it. it’s very wishy washy sometimes

I'm not even sure that it bodes well for season 3, anon. Not in the sense that most shippers want, anyway.

I think we can be rather hopeful regarding Haladriel's screentime (they'll share more than one scene), but that's probably the best we can hope for. It is a relationship that will be only antagonist. I don't think we should expect any grand romantic gesture, any kiss or any admission of romantic feelings.

Season 2 was the moment when it could still happen, because Galadriel was still conflicted about her feelings for Saurbrand. Well as we saw, she easily tossed her inner conflict through the window during the fight, turned into mega girl boss and never took the bait, even after Sauron stabbed her with Morgoth's crown to bind her to him. This ship has very likely sailed now. Whatever temptation that Galadriel has in the future... It will probably be related to her desire for power, which should keep growing as darkness grows in her as well. Sauron will definitely have a part in that as he's not going to let her go, but.... I think we shouldn't hope too much for romantic innuendos, not from her side, anyway.

So yeah, I think Amazon's desperate to keep shippers invested because they realize far too late that we represent an important part of their viewership and that's why they keep licking Haladriel boots. I've seen it happen before, with Reylo before TROS : after mocking or ignoring the shippers for years, suddenly their entire marketing was centered on Rey and Kylo. The only difference is that they never acknowledged any romantic feelings between them, which in retrospect wasn't surprising since romance there was none in TROS, except for that kiss which was less romantic than Elrondriel's so called platonic smooch 😭 The SW marketing team baited Reylo for more than a year and for what ?

All that to say, I'd really advise you to not trust Amazon's marketing strategy. It's all about engagement. They want to attract new shippers and get them to watch TROP so their numbers increase, while trying to get old shippers invested for season 3. Right now they play the romance card but we shouldn't take it as an insurance that romance or something close to romance is in the cards for future Haladriel interactions, imho.

[nenoname]

After finally graduating high school, Ford is ready to put his hometown far behind him, only to end up being abducted on his way to Backupsmore and wakes up on an empty sinking ship with a strange bracelet reading “6” stuck on his wrist… Eight other strangers have met the same fate, all with a different number on their bracelets, ranging from one to nine, and the group receives a message from someone called 0. Their anonymous captor gives them a simple order: participate in a deadly game to escape the boat or drown.

Been thinking about a 999/Zero Escape AU for a bit now! (aka “we may be trapped in a death game with limited amount of time to escape but we will ramble wikipedia articles and thought experiments at you” the game)

Puzzles and quantum thought experiments and digital roots galore! Honestly if he weren't late to college and also the whole. Threat of dying thing. Ford would be having a fun time. Probably.

Participants I’ve thought of so far:

2 - Snakeyes: a self proclaimed professional gambler but is apparently just an old sailor who works on a fishing trawler. Is far too laidback considering this is a death game. He immediately gets on Hex's nerves and seems to have fun doing so.

He’s pretty good at word and number puzzles but he's someone who knows more than he seems...

3  -  Tri: calls himself a salesman, smells suspiciously of formaldehyde (the alleged reason why Snakeyes ignores his code name and calls him Hyde), may or may not be a cult leader/walking corpse from the 50s/a literal triangle. Is also far too laidback considering this is a death game.

Knows too much. Tends to let others take the lead in solving puzzles and prefers to observes as if they all weren't under the threat of death, has fun dropping cryptic and useless hints

5 - Star: This is a child. Who put a child on a sinking ship??? (SE calls her “pumpkin”) Is far too well-adjusted to the situation considering this is a death game.

Pretty smart in high tension situations but otherwise a bit prone to goofing off to help de-stress everyone, and tunes out when quantum talk is happening. With her weird girl powers, she can help provide a well needed unique perspective

6 - Hex: Had recently left behind a dream of sailing around the world, only to end up trapped on a boat. Great. (Snakeyes calls him ‘kid' despite there being a literal child on board who doesn't get called that. Tri calls him "Sixer" which definitely doesn't piss SE off, nope, not at all)

Is a sucker for riddles and can basically blast through any type of puzzles normally, but there's something about the ones on this boat that tricks him perfectly into getting caught up into the wrong train of thought which forces him to rely on the others

Spoilers for 999 and VLR (and probably won't make sense if you don't know the context anyway):

Li brx’uh idploldu zlwk wkh jdphv, wkhq lw’v suhwwb reylrxv wkdw Chur lv dq roghu Irug. Eloo lv wkh Glr ri wkh jdph, dnd ulglfxorxvob vxvslflrxv dqg xqwuxvwzruwkb exw qrw wkh pdvwhuplqg exw wkdw zrq’w vwrs klp iurp wublqj dqg brx’oo zdqw wr odxqfk klp wr wkh prrq. Xqiruwxqdwhob iru Irug, vlqfh klv eudfhohw lv dfwxdoob 0 dqg Eloo’v lv 9, kh’v vwxfn whdplqj xs zlwk klp lq hyhub sxccoh urrp. Lv Vwdq vshqglqj wkh jdph wublqj wr wklqn ri d zdb wr fxw rii “Vlodv” dup wr jhw wr klv eudfhohw vr wkhb grq’w kdyh wr ghdo zlwk klv vklw? Bhv, exw jrrg oxfn qrw iuhdnlqj hyhubrqh rxw L’p sxwwlqj Pxoohw Vwdq lqwr wkdw lqflqhudwru exw gxqqr zkdw zrxog eh d jrrg sxccoh iru lw frv… kh’v qrw d qlqh bhdu-rog kh fdq gr vxgrnx L ihho olnh YOU’v prwrufbfoh dqdorjb Whqpbrxml xvhv lq Dqrwkhu Hqg, lv d jrrg vxppdwlrq ri Vwdq’v vlwxdwlrq

Maybe I'll come up with more stuff for this au, maybe not

[a-killer-obsession]

Some thoughts on the female crewmembers of the Kid Pirates? How do they interact with a big balls guy like Kid? 😅 I mean I see him threating women more disrespectful with a lot of ass grabbing 🤪

I honestly think Kid treats the ladies the exact same way he treats the men. In saying that: the kid pirates need a HR for sexual harassment from kid. He probably gets smacked a lot.

I do have a lot of personal headcanons though for what the girls are like! Behold:

☠️Kid Pirate Female Headcanons☠️

SFW under the cut 😊

Also including what I think their weapons would be!

Dive

I can never decide if she's a kid, or if she's just a short adult. The heels and fishnets make me lean towards adult, but then again her rolemodels for her fashion is the other kid pirates so she might not even realise how provocative those clothing items are. Either way, shes a fucking gremlin. Anger issues to boot but also so very happy go lucky, her mood can flip like a coin. We've seen how excited she gets for battle, I think she love love loves fighting. Shes a nuisance but everyone loves her. Has a massive stuffed animal collection (regardless of what her age really is)

Weapon: teeth

Hobbies: getting into mischief, swimming

House

Little old lady who is sick of everyone's shit. And by old I mean like, late fourties, early fifties perhaps. Ship doctor, but in a witch doctor sort of way. Big fan of dr kureha for sure! Has that same flippant, usually drunk on the job sort of personality. Everyone loves her though, shes the matriarch of the crew, and the commanders always ask her for advice. I headcanon she's related to Heat, perhaps his aunty. I like to think it was her that stitched up his Glasgow smile. She probably didn't want to be a pirate, but as the oldest she probably knew better than everyone what a shit show their home island was. Perhaps after all that gang violence maybe Heat is the only family she has left, so she naturally followed him out to sea.

Weapon: stays out of fights, but keeps a pistol on her just in case

Hobbies: collecting vintage medical journals, witchcraft

Hip

Most casual of the girls. Quiet, little bit stoic, bit of a tomboy, probably goes by she/they. Prefers to hang with the more masculine men on the crew, cos she'll gag if she has to listen to Quincy talk about makeup. I actually headcanon she's related to Killer, given they're both tan and blonde, and from the same island (probably, at least I headcanon all the kid pirates sailed out together), maybe cousins even. Strongest and the best fighter of the girls, everyone uses her like guard dog when they wanna go out. As the guard dog shes usually the one to smack Kid when he gets too handsy with one of the girls. He's a little scared of her tbh.

Weapons: the wiki says she apparently has two swords, i think dual weilding short blades would suit her

Hobbies: electric guitar, fishing (she likes the quiet time to think)

Hop

Bad bitch alert!! She's hot and she knows it! Bit of a stuck up bitch but she has her soft side. Gets along best with Wire. Considered the most stylish on the crew because somehow she makes even plain clothes look good, and everyone always wants her fashion and hair advice. I sort of imagine her to be like Nami, very obsessed with money and shopping, and a big time lesbian. Keeps her nails long and sharp as shit, and has a very impressive collection of knives. Her and Hip are very scary when they work together.

Weapon: wiki says she has a sword. I imagine her having a really delicate, slim sword, like a rapier

Hobbies: designing clothes, collecting vintage jewelry (she has very sticky fingers)

Quincy

Super ditsy tbh, really not suited to being a pirate but shes doing her best, its better than staying in the south blue anyway. Everyone makes fun of her cos she has a big obvious crush on kid, she's convinced shes gonna be queen of the pirates. Kid thinks its cute but shes not really his type, he doesnt mind her fawning though. Turns absolutely psychopathic if someone threatens her sweet kiddo! A real girl's girl, she loves anything cute and pink and fluffy, like just so very stereotypically girlypop

Weapon: usually kept away from fights, but like in Wavelengths I'd like to see her use that big chain of beads around her waist like a weapon

Hobbies: makeup and nails, fawning over kid and drawing bad fanart of her and him kissing (yes everyone thinks its concerning, but in an sweet way)

Emma

The quintessential 2010s tumblr scene girl. She reads A LOT of fantasy romance, draws fanart of her favourite book series, she would be a warrior cats girlie for sure. Bit of a scaredy cat and cries when she yells, but shes not afraid to pick up a sword if she has to if its to protect her friends. Really energetic personality though, she's easy to get along with, and she seems to know a little something about everything. Gets along best with Heat.

Weapon: rifle or similar, something long range and slim

Hobbies: reading & drawing

[acescorazon]

Buggy x Mihawk x Crocodile prompt: Mihawk and Crocodile's bullying and beatings start taking a toll on Buggy, especially since he's somehow fallen irrevocably in love with both his "business partners". After a incident where Crocodile goes too far and Mihawk actually intervenes to stop him, Buggy falls fully into despair and decides to fully fall into the ocean to certain death. He waits until late at night and sneaks off to the docks. He falls in and expects the end but just as everything goes dark he sees a pair of golden eyes and hands reaching for him. When Buggy opens his eyes again he's very much alive, with Mihawk and Crocodile keeping vigil over him. Mihawk is mighty pissed and Crocodile is uncomfortable in his guilt. They figure things out eventually, messily and all.

Bestie if you didn't read this post, this is for you (as well as some of my other anons/ ppl who sent in requests ) LOL (it explains my shenanigans.)

ANYWAYS!!! Bby your idea...she's giving slow burn...she's giving...make it hurt...She's giving multi-chapter series realness. She deserves so much more than a one shot. She's a star who deserves to shine brightly...and i'm giving her what she deserves LOL. i don't have a title, so fuck it we ball, but consider this a prologue since it just really goes over Cross Guild's past briefly. So for anyone about to read,i'm not telling you how to live your life, but i'm juuuust saying you might want to have read up to like Ch 1082?

The sounds of canons being fired and screaming can be heard all over the island, and Buggy swears that he’s moments away from having a full blown panic attack. Why now? Why did they suddenly decide to abolish the warlord system? Buggy was just starting to enjoy his newfound power and, more importantly, protection. His men keep screaming at him, begging for him to do something because Buggy’s so strong and powerful, and mighty after all. He sailed the sea with Gol. D Rogers, Dark King Rayleigh, and a young Red Haired Shanks after all. He ‘led’ a prison escape after all. He ‘fought’ in the war after all… He’s the one who’s a former warlord of the sea after all…  Buggy must be a formidable foe, right? Buggy must be able to bring him and his men to victory, right? Buggy can take on some marines…right…?

Buggy watches in horror as a fleet of marines attack his battle ships, sinking them, as they gradually begin to encircle the entire island. Oh, they’re doomed. His men are still yelling at him, asking him questions that he can barely process at the moment because he can’t breathe let alone talk.

“Chairman Buggy, what are your orders, sir?!”

”Chairman Buggy, the marines just sank another one of our ships.”

“Captain Buggy, why are you just standing there?!”

“Chairman Buggy, do something!!”

“Captain!!!”

Buggy’s…Buggy’s got to go, like, right now. He can’t handle this. He doesn’t know what to do, this attack happened so fast… He swears the world government abolished the warlord system just this morning, and they already have marines on their ass. He needs off this island before it burns down and he turns to ash with it. He hopes and prays that he still has at least one good ship that he can escape on, and as for his men…

God, Buggy can’t do this. He can’t do this. The amount of men he controls has grown considerably after the war, and he can’t’ confidently say he can evacuate everyone on the island, not that he thinks anyone wants to leave in the first place. His kids are all dedicated and always willing to fight…(Buggy wishes he can say the same.)

Screw it, he’s calling for that evacuation order.

“Chairman Buggy, someone’s attacking the marines!” Someone’s attacking the marines…? Did Buggy have men out at sea that are now returning home and diligently attacking the marines now that they see the island is under attack? Does he have any allies who were conveniently on their way to visit, when they noticed the marines were attacking them? Is this just another group of pirates who noticed the marines and wanted to make a name for themselves, so they decided to attack them while they just so happened to be attacking Emptee Bluffs Island? Who are the heroes saving Buggy and his children?!

“Hey! It’s Crocodile!”

“Chairman Buggy, Crocodile is here to save us!!”

As soon as Buggy hears that name, his stomach drops. No, why? Why now? Why is this all happening to him now? There’s only one reason why Crocodile would be coming to Emptee Bluffs island, and Buggy…Buggy needs to leave. Forget his men, they’ll be fine, Buggy’s the one whose life is in grave danger. In all honesty, he’d rather be facing the Marines than have to deal with Crocodile’s wrath.

Buggy leaves the tent where he makes all his official announcements to his men, and his men watch him, confused, as he tries to make his escape. Some of them even mindlessly try to follow him, and Buggy doesn’t have the heart to tell the men following him to leave him alone because they’ll just bring unneeded attention to Buggy while he tries to flee. He makes it two, no, three steps out of the tent before he sees him, heading his way. “AHHH!”  Buggy screams at the top of his lungs, instantly, spinning back around on his heels and trying to push through a crowd of men, “Let me through! Let me through!!!” He orders them, trying to get back inside his tent and hide.

“Chairman…What’s wrong…it’s just Crocodile?”  

It is not just Crocodile. Do his men not realize how scary this man is? Do they not realize that their beloved Chairman and Captain is moments away from getting his ass beaten? Buggy forces himself through all the bodies in front of him and rushes back into the tent, but it’s too late.

“Running away, Buggy?” He hears a deep, intimidating voice call out from behind him. Ah, so it looks like this is the end of the road for Buggy, huh…? What does he do now, he doesn’t think he can out run Crocodile…

Beg for mercy?

Buggy slowly turns around, waving nervously at Crocodile, “Uh, hey!” He greets him, voice already shaking as he speaks. He’s going to scream, cry, and vomit, and all in that order. “I wasn’t running away… I was just, uh…” he trails off, unsure of what excuse he could possibly use in this situation because Crocodile saw him make a run for it with his own eyes. He notices belatedly that Crocodile has that other tall, slightly less intimidating but still extremely scary, fellow with him…Daz…? They all escaped prison together, didn’t they? And…There’s also…Mihawk? Why is Mihawk with him?

Crocodile’s cold voice brings Buggy crashing back down to reality, “Whatever. Where’s my money, clown?” Where’s his money…right…Right…the money that Buggy borrowed after the war, and most definitely has right now… That money…

(He’s lucky if he even has money for lunch.)  

Buggy forces a bright smile onto his face, “Y-your money?!” he repeats, trying to buy himself some more time while he figures out an excuse that’ll save his ass. “Well.. You see.. about that…” he’s just about to start babbling bullshit when Crocodile narrows his eyes at him, giving him the nastiest look. Oh! Okay! “Crocodile, please.” Buggy whines, “Look around, I have so many kids to feed…and… and It’s not exactly like business has been booming…and, and…I just lost my biggest money makers…and…”

Buggy’s never been one to admit his failures,  but this is a matter of life or death, and truth be told, Buggy’s delivery service hasn’t been doing too hot lately, but he just needs a little bit more time! He… He can fix everything, and get Crocodile his money back. “Please, just...Give me a month…” He begs, and Crocodile gives him that look again. Oh, okay! That’s obviously way too much time! “Three weeks, give me three weeks and I’ll have all your money… plus interest…”

Truth be told there’s no way in hell he’d ever be able to repay Crocodile the amount of money he owes him in that amount of time, and he sure wouldn’t be able to pay him interest on top of everything, but he… he just needs an excuse. If Crocodile believes him, then… Then as soon as he gets the chance, he’ll pack up and leave. He’ll dye his hair and change his name, and…

Crocodile scowls at him, “You’re saying you don’t have my money?” Well, no…but, yes… but, no he’s definitely not saying anything like that…what… what he is saying is that he’s broke right now, and just needs a little bit more time… “That’s fine.” Crocodile tells him, despite still having a terrifying look on his face, and there’s a moment where Buggy’s filled with hope.  Is...is his life saved? “I can just sell you.” Crocodile says the words, ‘I can just sell you.’ nonchalantly, and like Buggy isn't human, like…like he’s nothing more but an object, and like his life has no meaning to it. God, what did Buggy get himself into?

“Hey…Hey…Croccy, baby…Hey!” Buggy raises his hands up. Is it hot in here? Is Buggy the only one sweating right now? “We’re friends…remember? We escaped Impel down together remember?!” he stammers, trying to remind Crocodile of all the good times they shared together like….when they… well, uh, there was that one time where they… and then there was that other time when they… Oof.

Buggy is the one using his powers to make himself look ten times bigger than he should actually be right now, but for some reason, he still feels so small especially as he picks up the not so subtle shifts in Crocodile’s expression. He goes from slightly irked, to fully annoyed, to looking like he’s moments away from ripping Buggy to shreds.  “Oh, I remember, but I need my money now. I’m starting a new company and I need that money, clown.” Crocodile announces, and Buggy’s not sure how much longer he has before Crocodile snaps and beats him within an inch of his life. “If you can’t pay me back now, you need to make up for the money you’ve borrowed in other ways. Understand?”

Buggy swallows hard. God, what now? What does he say now? He considers making a run for it again, when all of a sudden an idea forms in his gigantic brain, “Oh!” He exclaims, “I know! I know! I can be your errand boy, or something,” he suggests, “I can work off my debt to you!” Crocodile’s cold, harden expression remains on his face, until Buggy casually stammers out:

“I…I have men who can give your new company the flashiest debut possible! My men can do it all: printing, design, advertisement, you name it…Just please don’t kill me!”

…

Somehow Buggy survives his encounter with both The Marines and Crocodile…Don’t ask him how, he’s always had the stupidest of luck. It doesn’t matter though, as soon as Buggy gets the okay from Crocodile, he’s looking for the best choice among all his men to design a flyer for their, well, Crocodile and Mihawk’s new company; Cross guild, hm, it’s got sort of a ring to it.

Buggy finds a few of his men and orders them to design and distribute a flyer for Cross Guild, and tells them to make it look flashy…because if it’s not, Buggy can kiss his life and or freedom goodbye.

Okay, that should keep Crocodile off his ass for a couple of days, right…? It’ll take his men a few days to design a breath taking flyer and then distribute it, and then Crocodile will see that Buggy’s actually a really useful guy after all!

That’s how Buggy thought things would go at least.

Buggy’s most devoted followers make a flyer for Cross Guild in a day and a half, taking pride in the fact that they didn’t stop for a break even once during the process, and the results are: Terrifying. As soon as he sees the poster, Buggy knows that he’s doomed and that what little chance he had at surviving and living a somewhat decent life was gone. It’s not like the flyer is poorly designed…it’s just… Buggy’s face is sort of… for lack of better terms... his men made it so that Buggy was in the center of attention while the other two look like an after thought, and that’s…that’s not what he wanted.

Buggy’s just an errand boy!

As soon as he sees Cross Guild’s debut flyer, Buggy feels violently ill again, like he’s going to throw up his breakfast, and he quickly orders his men to redesign the flyer so that Buggy doesn’t get killed, but they...

“Oh, we already distributed it.”

Okay, don’t panic. Don’t panic, maybe there’s time to fix this..or at least run away before Crocodile and Mihawk see the flyer. Buggy exhales a shaky breath, trying to figure out what he’s going to do about this whole flyer situation. Is...is there any way to just…just, make all the flyers go away? No? It doesn’t work like that?

Fuck.

[Next Part]